...And Breathe Out...

When Adam turned four months old, I remember thinking, "Okay, this is good.  It's getting to be more fun and not so hard."  Having that memory, I have been looking forward to seeing what these babies would be like at four months.  Honestly, I've been desperate to see if four months bears any ease or improvement.  The last few weeks have been incredibly tough for me.  I have felt overwhelmed more times than I can count and have wondered endlessly why I feel so inadequate.  Why is it that the mamasan can come over and care for the babies while doing laundry and dishes and cleaning my floor and I can't even accomplish a phone call?  I often wonder if there's some secret Phillipino concoction she whips up and drugs them with.  And I might be okay with that.  It might actually make me feel better to know that's why she can do it all.  It has just seemed like I am never enough and I have been unable to figure out how I can possibly be more.  Audie was crying constantly (cutting a tooth?  gas?  over-tired?  WHAT IS IT???) and decided to give up the pacifier in favor of my finger, rendering me useless to the other two children.  Anaya threw down the princess card quite often and shrieked and screamed until we let her have it (whatever it was) her way.  But, alas, it's always darkest before dawn, right?  And here we stand (ALIVE!) at four months old and, what do ya' know?  I can let out that breath I've been holding for the last four months.  It is getting a little bit easier.  Lil' bit.  Our dinner conversations are no longer drowned out by the crying and instead the music is their cooing and playing, or on a really good night - peaceful slumber.  Speaking of sleeping, with a paci (Audie has rebuilt that relationship!) and a lovey they'll generally put themselves to sleep, which is a dream.  They smile and laugh, and play and listen and are very attentive when they're awake, watching and learning from Adam.  And they looooove Adam.  And he loooooves them, which is a bonus.  They sleep six hour stretches most nights.  They pick on each other, which is funny.  Like kicking each other in bed, or knocking each other's pacifiers out if they've lost their own.  They're getting used to their carseats, I think, which gives me hope for our probable trip back to the States in November.  I was beginning to wonder what 14 hours of screaming baby was going to do to us...The bottom line is, whether it's complete bliss or not, four months is definitely a milestone and we'll take what we can get.

Anaya is the princess.  That hasn't changed.  She rules the roost and calls the shots.  If she starts crying (which is really more of a scream), you can bet Audie will drop whatever he's doing, even if he's completely happy and playing, and provide some sympathy tears.  Except when they decide that tag-teaming would be a better strategy.  And she could be sitting there completely happy, but if she sees me pick Audie up, she kicks out that paci and starts fake-crying.  Princess.  But she smiles a lot, too, though, and it's absolutely precious.  She'll wake up in the morning and immediately start crying so we'll run in there to tend to her every want, but when we arrive she's all smiles.  Moody.  Female.  She likes to nap with me, which is sweet.  She also likes altitude.  Don't even try to hold her for long sitting down - no one around will be happy with you.  She still has her blue eyes, which are breath-taking.  We haven't been to the doctor yet, but I'm guessing she's about 12-13 lbs.  She's a pistol.

Audie is the baby, although I'm trying really hard to not place that stigma on him.  The past few days, though, he's been an absolute dream.  He cries when he's hungry or tired or uncomfortable, but not too much else.  He is still my little snuggle-bug, which is nice.  He likes to be held close and tight all the time, especially while he falls asleep, but he won't really lay with me and nap.  He has those big, brown eyes that are so bright and full of life, just like Adam's were.  We get laughs easier out of Audie and it's so stinkin' cute!  And what a flirt!  I'll look over at him and he'll just be sittin' there, smilin' at me, like, "How you doin?"  Or I'll have him and Anaya propped up facing eachother and he'll just start smiling at her.  He's a little sweetheart and I think when he sleeps, he epitomizes the picture of a sleeping baby.  Perfect.  I think he's probably 13 lbs.  When his hair grows in, he's gonna be a knockout ;-)

Life around here is getting better by the day and we're looking forward to what's in store.  I know it's going to be hard work, but we'll figure it out together.  We're looking forward to having everyone meet them in November.  Here are a few recent pics and even a video of both of them talking, but it's a little long (3 mins.), so sorry about that.  Four-month-olds don't really do anything on-cue.