I came across this article on Shine from Yahoo! about three months ago. I haven't been able to forget about it. At first, I felt terrible, but then I felt realistic. The article is a list of "5 Things Parents Shouldn't Say to Their Kids." Here's the list:
1. "I don't care" Reason: "because you're cutting off communication with your child and saying that something important to him or her isn't so important to you". Right. Whether they use the green or blue crayon really isn't so important to me. I use this phrase all the time. Because I mostly don't care. In fact, I just said it to Anaya rightnow when she came over to me randomly and said she was going to lay down to watch cartoons. I don't care how she watches cartoons! I say it. Judge, if you must.
2. "Act your age!" Reason: "Kids hear their parents criticizing them at a time when they, as children, are having trouble and perhaps need some help gaining control." Rebuttal: Well, maybe they should have listened the first FIFTEEN times I told them how to do something and how to act. When Adam is acting like the twins, I make sure he knows that he is acting like he's two instead of almost-six.
3. "Say you're sorry!" Reason: "Young children don't automatically understand why they have to apologize. Corbett says that if parent forces a child to say they are sorry, 'it could delay the child's natural acceptance' of apologizing." I'm a mixed bag here. I agree with the logic...but I still say it. I explain the wrongdoing and the emotion of the hurt child to my child, but I still make them apologize. If I wait around for them to have a "natural acceptance" of apologizing, I might be greatly disappointed. If it was truly a "natural acceptance," then every kid would automatically do it at some point and we all know that is not the case. So I would rather teach manners than leave it to "nature."
4. "Don't you get it?" Reason: "this comment is degrading. 'If the child 'got it,' which he desperately wants to do in order to please his parent, it would be clear. Implicit in a 'don't you get it' comment are the judgments of 'Why don't you get it?' followed by 'What's wrong with you for not getting it?' While a parent may not mean to send those messages, that is the message the child receives.'" Guilty. And I actually do feel a tad bit bad about this one. Maybe I'll try and not use it. Don't hold me to it, though...I claim very little control over my impulsive responses in moments of incredible frustration.
5. "I'm going to leave without you!" Reason: "For young kids, fear of parental abandonment is very real... 'The biggest problem is that we want our kids to believe what we say. For a whole host of reasons, we need our kids to believe us. If you want them to believe what we say is true, we cannot say something that is patently false'...The result is that the child quickly learns that mom or dad makes empty threats." Ha! I dare you to try and find a parent of at least a toddler who has not used this threat! You won't! And they will never figure out that the threat is empty because they get their little butt moving when I start walking away! Damn right, "fear of parental abandonment is very real" - because I'm leaving without them! Or, at least, I'm telling them I am.
I'm the best! The good news is that we have already started saving for our children's therapy.
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