If Anyone Asked Me

I went to a baby shower yesterday and as much as I would like to say, "Thank God it wasn't mine!", I can't.  I was one of those people that some people hate, who loved being pregnant.  Even with the twins, as uncomfortable as it was, it was fantastic (well, not at the very end - that part really did suck, miraculous or not).  It's just such an amazing feeling to know that God picked YOU to perform this miracle on.  I loved it.  So going to a baby shower always leaves me with a tinge of desire.  But that tinge is easily suffocated with a new pair of shoes...or a Twix bar.  Doesn't take much, really.   Anyway, every time I write a card for someone having their first baby, I wish there was something amazing I could write.  I wish I had that one great tip for them.  It got me thinking: What tips did I have to give?  Not that anyone's asking, but if they were...

1.  Put just enough spaghetti sauce to coat the noodles - a little less, even.  Trust me, it's plenty.

2.  If you're shopping and you come across something you like and your first thought is, "I wonder if the kid(s) will knock that over/break it/somehow ruin it" - DO NOT BUY IT.  Because even if you think you'll put it up high to get it away from them, you're wrong.  There is no getting it away from them.  They always find a way.

3.  Buy as many Swiffer Sweepers or as you have children.  You can even put them together without the middle section of the handle, so it's just their size.  Then, sit back and have a glass of wine while they clean play.  Caveat: Do not ever tell them they are cleaning/working/helping you, or you'll be selling your extra Swiffers on Craigslist for $0.50.

4.  Wait and see.  Before you freak out about something - anything - wait and see.  Unless it's a bumped head - then get a flashlight and check to see if their pupils react.  I'm kinda paranoid about head bumps, so do what you need to do there.

5.  Stash Dum-Dums.  There's nothing wrong with bribery.

6.  Read to them.

7.  Indulge their imaginative scenarios, as if they were real.  You'll foster their creativity and teach them not to be afraid to share their ideas.

8.  As hard as it may be to say "No", do not buy them everything they want, even if you can afford it.  You'll regret it one day.

9.  Find a trustworthy sitter ASAP and use him/her sooner than later.  While they are tiny, they will never remember that you went out on a date once a week.  They will when they're older, so that's when you spend time with them (in that narrow window between when they're old enough to realize you're gone all the time and when they're too old to want to hang out with you, anyway).    

10.  Don't spend a lot of money on anything that the baby will touch often.  Clothes, sheets, diaper bags, chairs, table cloths, rugs... It's a waste of money.  They don't care how much it cost/how nice it is/how long you wanted it to last.  They will stain it/tear it/child-ify it.  Guaranteed.  You remember how your Mom used to yell at you, "I can't have anything nice with you kids!"?  Well, you can't.