As Good as it Gets

Well, we've battened down the hatches and are waiting out Typhoon Bolaven, a Cat 4 storm beating the crap out of us.  Since we still have power, I figured I would pass the time by updating the blog (plus, Grandma Sissy has asked me every day for the past two weeks if I have put up a new blog, so I guess I'll take the hint...).

We had family pictures taken at the beach a couple of weeks ago.  In a rare moment of optimism, I thought it seemed like a good idea.  During the two-hour shoot, however, optimism did not show it's pretty face.  It seemed like my worst idea yet.  I was sure that there would not be a single good picture of the whole family.  My friend Christy is a fantastic photographer (CLH Photography).  She was not the problem.  They were the problem.  However, she assured me that there would be plenty of good ones and that I would be happy.  And she was right - there are several good ones.  As long as your definition of "good" does not include "all persons looking at the camera and smiling."    It's a relative term...I'll share a few of the good ones with you in a bit...

First, let me ask you this - if you take six pictures of a family in the same pose, how many would you expect to turn out well?  At least one, right?  You would be expecting too much...

 

Really, Anaya?  Not even a grin?  Do you have to look so miserable?

 

Then there are ones such as these:

 

 

In all seriousness, we did get plenty of great shots.  Here's a peek:

 

 

 

I think I've reached my upload limit, so I'll post more another time.  Thanks for checking in!

 

 

Unhappy Anniversary

There is no card to be bought for this anniversary.  There is no traditional or modern gift to be given.  There is no reason to celebrate, no reason to smile.  It has been a whole year since Daddy died and still, every day, I struggle to believe that he is gone forever.  I am torn between desperately trying to recall every last moment spent with him, and desperately trying to forget them.  In hopeful moments, it seems entirely possible that he is just on vacation somewhere, only gone for a little while.  Those moments eventually pass and give way to reality, though, and I am left to constantly distract myself so that I don't submit wholly to the grief and sorrow...so that the fog doesn't completely overtake me.  In quiet moments, when I have the time to be overtaken, though, it does feel good.  To cry, to remember, to miss him.  To imagine what he might have liked best if he had ever visited Okinawa.  To imagine how he might have interacted with my kids as they grew - what nicknames he would have made for the twins to go with Adam's classic of "Chupacabra Deluxe from South Texas."  To imagine...

It's what you do, unthinking, that makes the
quick tear start; the tear may be forgotten....
but the hurt stays in the heart.
(Ella Higginson)

I'm The Best

I came across this article on Shine from Yahoo! about three months ago.  I haven't been able to forget about it.  At first, I felt terrible, but then I felt realistic.  The article is a list of "5 Things Parents Shouldn't Say to Their Kids."  Here's the list:

1.  "I don't care"  Reason: "because you're cutting off communication with your child and saying that something important to him or her isn't so important to you".  Right.  Whether they use the green or blue crayon really isn't so important to me.  I use this phrase all the time.  Because I mostly don't care.  In fact, I just said it to Anaya rightnow when she came over to me randomly and said she was going to lay down to watch cartoons.  I don't care how she watches cartoons!  I say it.  Judge, if you must.

2.  "Act your age!"  Reason: "Kids hear their parents criticizing them at a time when they, as children, are having trouble and perhaps need some help gaining control."  Rebuttal:  Well, maybe they should have listened the first FIFTEEN times I told them how to do something and how to act.  When Adam is acting like the twins, I make sure he knows that he is acting like he's two instead of almost-six.     

3.  "Say you're sorry!"  Reason: "Young children don't automatically understand why they have to apologize. Corbett says that if parent forces a child to say they are sorry, 'it could delay the child's natural acceptance' of apologizing."  I'm a mixed bag here.  I agree with the logic...but I still say it.  I explain the wrongdoing and the emotion of the hurt child to my child, but I still make them apologize.  If I wait around for them to have a "natural acceptance" of apologizing, I might be greatly disappointed.  If it was truly a "natural acceptance," then every kid would automatically do it at some point and we all know that is not the case.  So I would rather teach manners than leave it to "nature." 

4.  "Don't you get it?"  Reason: "this comment is degrading. 'If the child 'got it,' which he desperately wants to do in order to please his parent, it would be clear. Implicit in a 'don't you get it' comment are the judgments of 'Why don't you get it?' followed by 'What's wrong with you for not getting it?' While a parent may not mean to send those messages, that is the message the child receives.'"  Guilty.  And I actually do feel a tad bit bad about this one.  Maybe I'll try and not use it.  Don't hold me to it, though...I claim very little control over my impulsive responses in moments of incredible frustration. 

5.  "I'm going to leave without you!"  Reason:  "For young kids, fear of parental abandonment is very real... 'The biggest problem is that we want our kids to believe what we say. For a whole host of reasons, we need our kids to believe us. If you want them to believe what we say is true, we cannot say something that is patently false'...The result is that the child quickly learns that mom or dad makes empty threats."  Ha!  I dare you to try and find a parent of at least a toddler who has not used this threat!  You won't!  And they will never figure out that the threat is empty because they get their little butt moving when I start walking away!  Damn right, "fear of parental abandonment is very real" - because I'm leaving without them!  Or, at least, I'm telling them I am. 

I'm the best!  The good news is that we have already started saving for our children's therapy.