Another "6th" has come and gone. And as with all the previous ones, I can't believe it's been another month. Six months. It still seems so unbelievable. Sometimes I scold myself for imagining that my Daddy died - I mean, that's a terrible thing to think happened to someone! Except it did happen. It just doesn't seem real yet. Just a terrible nightmare. Will I really never again hear his voice on the other end of the phone, calling Adam the "Chupacabra Deluxe"? Or telling me he hadn't heard from me "in a while" because we skipped one day of talking on the phone? And how will I be able to go the rest of my life without hearing him tell another Navy story or another story about a practical joke he played on a guy at work? And with him gone, how can I be certain that President Obama is being adequately criticized? Who will take my kids fishing and teach them how to ride 4-wheelers and give them their very own cow? Who will keep Blue Bell and Ford in business? How will I ever make a sound decision without his critical input? We've never bought a house or car or camera without asking his advice. And when we didn't ask his advice (like on buying that Dodge Charger in Colorado), we regreted the decision we made. Had we asked him, we wouldn't have made that mistake. See? Left on our own, we're hopeless! How can he not be here anymore? It just can't be...
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...Can it?
3 comments:
I wish it wasn't so.
Hugs.
Grief is like fog. It comes and goes. Some days it engulfs you for a time then clears away. Other days it lingers most of the day ever so slightly. Sometimes a few days go past when you don't notice. To be honest,12 years later there are still days when I grab a cup of tea sit on the back porch for a bit and let the fog have it's way with me. I'm sorry you are in the midst of the fog.
Every time I walk into the Castroville house I look for him to be sitting in his recliner. Or, when mom is finishing up cooking, I look for him to come into the kitchen and start tasting everything. I still haven't accepted it. He will never meet my kids and that has to be the hardest to swallow.
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