Fish in the Sea

 

Monday I had a doctor's appointment.  The same kind of doctor's appointment I've had every three months for the past six years (it was supposed to go to every six months at some point, but never did).  That makes this, roughly, 24 appointments of this kind.  The kind where I go to the hospital a couple of days ahead of time and give them 4 vials of blood.  The kind where the doctor reads the results of those blood tests, along with my mammogram/chest x-ray (whichever was up that time).  But Monday's appointment was a little different - especially at the end.  When the appointment was over, my doctor said to me, "Well, you're six years out and everything has looked fantastic for the whole six years.  So, I think you're done!  You'll be seen only once a year from now on, unless you discover anything new, then see us immediately.  Otherwise, you will be treated like most other 33 year old women!"  Just like that, I was thrown back into the sea.  Out of the warm little tank I have been in for the past six years - the tank with the safety net.  It is terrifying and exciting, surreal, even.  I was flooded with emotion as I left the office and got in my car.  I cried.  On one hand, I am so happy to be DONE with everything I have had to endure the past six years (although I know I'm not truly "DONE"), and I was praying to God, thanking him for bringing me through it.  But on the other hand, I am terrified of being released into the sea.  I have known that nothing could go wrong while I was being watched so closely - they were so thorough that anything would be caught super-early and I would be fine.  But now...what happens?  It's all up to me and that's scary.  But I have two things on my side: First, paranoia will send me into that office the second I feel anything.  But, more importantly, prayer will protect me and carry me through any challenge that might arise.  Romans 8:31 says If God is for us, who can ever be against us? and Exodus 14:14 says The Lord himself will fight for you, and, my favorite, Jeremiah 29:11-12 says "For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord.  "They are plans for good and not for disaster, give you a future and a hope.  In those days when you pray, I will listen."  I will pray and he will listen.  And I'm going to be that fish in the sea that cancer doesn't eat.  Like, ever.

 

Kind of related, we bought a few new fish the other day and Adam took it upon himself to name them.  First, we have Al, the algae eater (get it?  Al is short for algae...).  Then, there's Bevo (because he has orange fins), whose full title is now Bevo the Hider (because he likes to hide).  Then, we have a couple, Mr. and Mrs. Bones, because they're kinda like x-ray fish.  I'm not sure which is the Mr. and which is the Mrs...Finally, we have Mr. Little (because he's...you guessed it...little).