I've got a runner in my pantyhose

There are a few things I have been meaning to blog about lately:  The '80s-themed holiday party we attended, some local "engrish" spottings (check out engrish.com to hold you over until I post pictures of funny engrish I've actually seen), the circus act that was my mammogram earlier this week...the list keeps growing.  Since my camera is in the car and I'm too lazy and tired to walk out and get it to upload pictures, the first two options are out for tonight.  The mammogram is actually a funny story, but the short version is that they didn't think there was any way in hell they were going to get around my belly (which was actually getting bigger as they stood there debating the issue) to get the job done.  After some creativity and incredible, gumby-like moves by me (at least in my opinion), the most painful mammogram I've ever gotten was a success and revealed nothing of concern.  I do slightly wish there had been a video.

What I really wanted to complain about is this:  My first stretch mark.  Ever.  I made it through my first pregnancy without any.  I will go ahead and assume it's because I repeatedly spent about $40 on L'Occitane Shea Butter Body Cream because that makes me feel better about the money.  This time, however, I opted for the Suave brand of Shea and Cocoa Butter Lotion because it's about the only thing I could find at the commissary when we got here.  Well, let me tell you something, Suave - I can tell the difference between you and the more expensive brand!  And so can my belly!  And I have a stretch mark to prove it!  Of course, it probably doesn't help that I am bigger now, at 28 weeks, than I was at 37.5 weeks, which was when I delivered Adam...but that's beside the point. 

So, now here I am with a red, ugly stretch mark on my lower abdomen.  I discovered it about a week ago while looking in the mirror.  Actually, it appeared a few weeks ago but it looked like a vein at first.  You know, how when you're pregnant and you can see every vein in your belly because your skin is stretched so thin?  I even had Alan look at it (as if I can even see my lower abdomen myself) and he confirmed it was just a vein.  Seriously, why did I ask him?  Anyway, last week it turned red and I was furious.  I grabbed a hand mirror and got a closer look for myself.  Sure enough - stretch mark.  Damn.  And you want to know the worst part?  Now that that little sucker has infiltrated, it's running wild!  My belly might as well be a pair of pantyhose because it's just getting longer and longer.  If only clear nail polish or hairspray worked on that...

Stretch marks, spider veins, thunder thighs, complete loss of physical fitness, heartburn from absolutely anything I eat...these babies better be cute!