Let Them Learn

9 weeks ago, when our “safe at home” measures were put into place, we made it the kids’ job to work together to clean up the kitchen after dinner. Literally, I walk my plate to the sink and leave. So. Stinking. Hard at first because I just knew they were going to do it all wrong. And if I just stood there and told them what to do then it would all be good. But that would defeat the purpose of allowing them to be problem solvers and figure things out. And they did figure it out. Eventually they knew where to find storage containers and dish soap and the things they hand-washed actually looked clean, and they got much better at eyeballing which storage dish they’d need for leftovers. And they didn’t complain about having to take on the responsibility. And it’s been 𝑚𝑜𝑠𝑡𝑙𝑦 glorious. But the one thing they haven’t mastered is the dishwasher. It is taking all of my willpower to not rearrange this right now. It’s completely wrong. Nothing is arranged efficiently and if I took care of it, I could fit 5 more things in there. But then, what would be the point of having them do it? I know that as much as this is a lesson for them, it’s a lesson for me too. Let. Them. Learn. The way I think something must be done isn’t the same as someone else. They’ll figure it out eventually and they won’t remember how their mom used to nag them about it. They’ll remember that I nagged them about other things, to be sure. But the more I can let go and let them figure it out, the better. They’ll gain valuable tools for their problem-solving tool belt, so that when they’re big kids with big problems, and adults with adult problems, they’ll be equipped to figure it out, rather than crumble and give up. Is that dishwasher the epitome of misused space? Yes. But will those dishes still get clean? Yes. And will I have had to do it? Nope. When they need to learn from me, I will be right beside them. Like this week, the twins learned to multiply fractions with my hands-on help. I’d never leave them to fend for themselves when it really matters. 

The trick to all of it is identifying when it really matters. 

Does anyone know how to do that, definitively?