Let Them Learn

9 weeks ago, when our “safe at home” measures were put into place, we made it the kids’ job to work together to clean up the kitchen after dinner. Literally, I walk my plate to the sink and leave. So. Stinking. Hard at first because I just knew they were going to do it all wrong. And if I just stood there and told them what to do then it would all be good. But that would defeat the purpose of allowing them to be problem solvers and figure things out. And they did figure it out. Eventually they knew where to find storage containers and dish soap and the things they hand-washed actually looked clean, and they got much better at eyeballing which storage dish they’d need for leftovers. And they didn’t complain about having to take on the responsibility. And it’s been 𝑚𝑜𝑠𝑡𝑙𝑦 glorious. But the one thing they haven’t mastered is the dishwasher. It is taking all of my willpower to not rearrange this right now. It’s completely wrong. Nothing is arranged efficiently and if I took care of it, I could fit 5 more things in there. But then, what would be the point of having them do it? I know that as much as this is a lesson for them, it’s a lesson for me too. Let. Them. Learn. The way I think something must be done isn’t the same as someone else. They’ll figure it out eventually and they won’t remember how their mom used to nag them about it. They’ll remember that I nagged them about other things, to be sure. But the more I can let go and let them figure it out, the better. They’ll gain valuable tools for their problem-solving tool belt, so that when they’re big kids with big problems, and adults with adult problems, they’ll be equipped to figure it out, rather than crumble and give up. Is that dishwasher the epitome of misused space? Yes. But will those dishes still get clean? Yes. And will I have had to do it? Nope. When they need to learn from me, I will be right beside them. Like this week, the twins learned to multiply fractions with my hands-on help. I’d never leave them to fend for themselves when it really matters. 

The trick to all of it is identifying when it really matters. 

Does anyone know how to do that, definitively?

Be a light

OK...gotta be honest...Hear my heart...I’m seeing a lot of social media posts to the effect of “I went to the store and I can’t believe how many people were there! The roads were busy! Stay home!”...Ummm...you’re there too. And those people are thinking the exact same thing...about you...

What if: That lady just got off her shift at the hospital and had to pick up a few things. And that man is doing his once-weekly trip out for groceries. And that young mom just needs one friggin hour of time to herself so she can still love her children when this is all over. And that guy lives by himself and is so depressed from sitting alone in his apartment, that he just needed to be around people for 10 minutes. And that woman’s abusive husband is now working from home and her only escape is the grocery run. And that dad doesn’t own a second fridge, so he has to run to the store several times a week for milk for his toddler. 

Traffic and people in stores doesn’t mean people are ignoring the guidelines. Those doctors and nurses and EMTs and firemen and postal/delivery people and grocery store workers and InstaCart delivery people and restaurant workers/delivery people and mission-essential active duty military members and all the other people who are not able to work from home still have to get to work. 

Bottom line: Lets all show some grace and assume everyone is doing their best. True, they might be idiots who aren’t doing their best! BUT I’ve found that it sure makes life a whole lot easier and a whole lot more joyful if we approach it from the standpoint of “everyone is a work in progress, doing the best they can under these circumstances.” 

Be a light.