A Crappy Metaphor

*WARNING: This true story contains graphic details relating to crap - as in poop.  If you can't hang, hit the "Back" button.  But this, my friends, is a true Dayton day-to-day.



Yesterday something happened that translated into the greatest (or crappiest) metaphor ever for my life.  It was disgusting, though. 

I have spent the past week cleaning up puke due to yet another stomach bug that made it's way through our house.  The grown-ups were spared this time, which is bittersweet.  Generally, we can make it to a toilet or trash can before we throw up, leaving very little clean-up work.  Kids, however, generally do not.  Adam does well if we leave a bucket right beside the bed, but when the bug hits suddenly at 2 a.m., it means we're changing sheets and scrubbing the carpet at 2:05 a.m.  Adam caught it first and was sick last Thursday, Friday, Saturday.  Then Anaya - Sunday, Monday, Tuesday.  Finally, Audie succumbed Tuesday and Wednesday.  Yesterday was a recovery day and was the first day that the twins really ate anything.  When you haven't eaten in three days and you start again, gaseous things happen.  It was really smelly around here.  I was constantly checking diapers, certain they were dirty, only to find them completely clean.  I ran on the treadmill, then came in to the living room convinced that for sure someone was dirty.  Nope.  Then Adam got home from school and I told him to keep an eye on the twins while I took a shower (he's really good at tattling right now, so he keeps an eagle eye on them).  While in the shower, he came in and said, "Mommy, the twins are stinky."  I told him I knew and that they were having tummy issues today.  Right now seems like a good time to mention that I was showering to get ready for an OSC function I had to go decorate for in about 45 minutes.  I was ahead of schedule, at this point. 

When I got out of the shower, I went to the living room to check on everyone and the smell was too overwhelming.  I knew, for sure, that someone needed a new diaper.  Anaya appeared the likely culprit because she was standing next to the ottoman, bent over so that she could lay her head on it.  Just looked odd.  So I went over and stood her up to check her diaper.  That's when I spotted it - the puddle of shit on the rug.  Her diaper had literally runneth over, down her leg and formed a puddle.  On the carpet.  In the living room.  30 minutes before I had to be somewhere.  Obviously, I spent the next 20 minutes (hair still wet, no makeup on...) frantically cleaning the carpet and bathing Anaya and taking out the rancid trash.  Then, as we drove to the Club to decorate (still no makeup, hoping there's time to do that between decorating and the function...), it occurred to me: No matter how prepared I am, early I am, organized I am, there is always a puddle of shit that gets in the way that I have no control over.  This is exactly how I always feel!  Like I am doing everything I can to keep it all together and someone else craps on my plan.  Just. Like. That. 

Perfect. 

G'Day!

"A dream come true."  That's what I had to keep telling myself throughout our Australia vacation.  The reason I had to continually repeat that to myself was because it was a nightmare.  Seriously.  Traveling with three kids was almost enough to make me want to order a whiskey shot from the flight attendant and down it with the entire bottle of Vicodin that the dentist gave me after the TWO root canals I had the day before we flew out.  Did I say seriously?  Cause, seriously.  Anaya cannot travel.  She is a terrible flyer and just gets all out of whack when she's out of her element.  At one point, Adam actually said to me: "I think Anaya broke this vacation."  But, despite her attempts, we did have a pretty good time.  I honestly cannot believe we finally went to Australia.  When we found out we were moving here I told Alan that I didn't want to leave without going to Australia, since we would be so much closer (the thought of making that trip all the way from the US with Anaya...no friggin' way).  Well, here we are with time running out and we actually did it!  I'm so glad we did.  It would have been great to stay longer or have the kids be a little older, but such is life.  This is where we are now and that's all the time we could spare, so I'm glad we made it happen.

Our first stop was Brisbane.  It was fun being in a big city again.  Having all the conveniences and options...loved it.  This is the only place where we stayed in a hotel.  So, being forced to eat out all the time really magnified the EXPENSIVENESS of that place.  I mean, we got 2 foot-longs and a 6-inch sub at Subway and paid $47.  And their dollar is roughly equal to ours!  $47!  $5 for a bottle of water.  $9 for body wash.  $8 for basically a travel-size bottle of sunscreen.  $150 for dinner at a casual al fresco cafe.  So city life was fun, but it was basically like living in a theme park - overpriced everything.  Here are some Brisbane highlights:

Our hotel, The Royal on the Park, was right across the street from the Botanical Gardens, which were beautiful.  There was a pond there with ducks, fish and even some eels, which the kids insisted on visiting daily to make sure the ducks and fish were well-fed.  There were also these iguana-looking lizards called water dragons that were everywhere.  Spotting them hiding among the trees and ponds was a fun game for the kids.

 

 

 

This is a terrible picture, but is dinner the first night.  See how casual it is?  Yeah...$155.

 

 

We walked across this bridge over the Brisbane River to visit a FREE water park!  We took our kids, in their normal water park gear (swimsuit), but they tended to be overdressed.  8 year old girls in just their underwear and 3 year old boys in their birthday suits were the norm.  I even saw one little boy pee in the sand, then kick sand over the spot!  At least it wasn't in the water, I guess...

 

This caused an elevated heart rate:

 

We visited a Science Center for their amazing dinosaur exhibit.  The boys were in heaven!  Adam tested his strength against the jaws of a T-Rex and Alan held a strange, obnoxiously large stick bug.

 

 

 

 

We splurged on a nice steak and seafood dinner the last night.  We even almost convinced Adam to eat baby octopus.  Anaya was brave and gave it a lick.

 

 

 

 

We could have spent a whole week in Brisbane, there was just so much to do.  But, alas, our time there came to an end and we headed up to the Glasshouse Mountains.  Since that leg of the trip included a visit to the Australia Zoo (the zoo Steve Irwin built), it will require a post of it's own.  That place was ah-mazing.  So check back next week for that one!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ready Or Not, Here I...

So the kids are playing hide-and-seek (Adam's teaching the twins).  Audie and Adam have been hiding for about 5 mins while Anaya was supposed to be counting and searching.  The thing is, she got distracted by her Rapunzel purse.  It happens.  I probably should go tell the boys she quit or remind her of what she is supposed to be doing, but why?  They're all quiet and happy.  And I'm happily sipping a glass of wine.  So I'm just letting it play out.  Go ahead, take notes.  #goodparenting.

Three-Year-Old Things

Kanpai!  (That means "Cheers!" in Japanese)  We survived another year!

 

Anaya and Audie turned THREE this weekend and we had a little party for them.  Here are the highlights:

 

 

 

We played Pin The Hat On The Cat (the kiddos colored their own hat):

 

Of course, Anaya cheated:

 

Fun in the Bouncy House:

 

 

Birthday parties aren't complete unless someone gets hurt in the bouncy house!

 

Candles & CAKE!

 

I can hardly believe it's been three years since they were born.  In two months, they will be the age that Adam was when we moved to Okinawa!  Unbelievable.  Here's an update on them:

 

Audie:

Favorite color: Red (usually says blue first, but changes his mind)

Favorite food: Breakfast food

Favorite cartoon: Garfield (although I am not sure he's ever actually seen it)

Favorite movie: Rio

Favorite toy: Buzz Lightyear

Audie is potty training and can undress himself.  He enjoys doing whatever Adam is doing.  Literally.  Adam has a shadow and an echo.  It's scary, actually.  Audie is generally a happy-go-lucky kid, but he isn't afraid to play the youngest child and throw down the "baby" card when needed.  He knows his ABCs, and knows that his name begins with A.  He's really into playdough, coloring with markers, and watching movies.  He tends to mumble a lot (like constantly), so Alan and I have nicknamed him "Milton" (great excuse to re-watch Office Space).

 

Anaya:

Favorite color: PINK!

Favorite food: Yogurt, granola, pancakes

Favorite movie: Cinderella

Favorite cartoon: Dora

Favorite toy: baby doll that cries (like her - she actually says that)

I don't even know what to say.  Anaya is not potty training (although I suspect she is actually completely potty trained, just stubborn and rather mean).  She can undress herself and put on her shoes, though!  She is really into pretend play right now with her dolls and Barbies.  She pushes them around in the stroller, talking to them constantly - she does that, too - talks constantly.  She is such a challenge because you just never know what mood you're going to get.  She goes from happy to miserable in 2.4 seconds and I'm left wondering what just hit me.  She's a complete mess.  But, she seems to have a song in her heart.  She is always singing (mostly Bible school songs) and even hums, claps along and dances with pretty good rhythm.  I guess I shouldn't be too surprised if she wants to become a performer.  That seems legit. 

 

In short, they are keeping me on my toes and keeping me full of doubt every single day.  Alan just asked me last night what we were doing wrong (because they had had a particularly bad day) and I told him I was quite sure I was doing everything wrong.  At least we're saving money for their therapy later.  I guess we're doing that right.

 

 

 

p.s.  an Australia post is coming...stay tuned!